I feel like I'm in dance class right now
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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