we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
