I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
