A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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