I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
