Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
