girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
