Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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