You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
The power of my boobs compel you
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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