We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
