It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
