i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
