i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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