shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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