I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Randomize
