just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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