At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
When did angry sex become our thing?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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