I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize