she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
