Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(516): View more from New York

If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.

Fav 9 1179 1714
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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.

Fav 10 3078 967
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(734): View more from Michigan

i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.

Fav 87 2163 20782
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(954): View more from Florida

can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?

Fav 5 3670 1335
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(914): View more from New York

I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later

Fav 4 3344 1126
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(704): View more from North Carolina

There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.

(904): View more from Florida

And you say you're not good with numbers...

Fav 5 1407 635
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(585): View more from New York

N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.

Fav 8 2753 870
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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.

Fav 0 32 22
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(317): View more from Indiana

They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year

Fav 0 28 35
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