The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Randomize
