He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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