Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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