Swine flu is the new snow day.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize