Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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