do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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