you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
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