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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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