he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I forget how to act sober
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
