nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
