i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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