Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
