I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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