Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
