Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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