you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Holy sore nipples Batman
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
