So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
