addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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