Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
