billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
