What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
