Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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