I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
