It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
