pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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