so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
