Heybabeimwearingurpanties
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
