I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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