This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Randomize
