so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
