apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
