his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize