I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Randomize
