You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
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It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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