i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
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I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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