Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
