The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
