it's too hot outside to masturbate.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
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