Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
