I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
