we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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