I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
