When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
is it fun? or sober?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
