But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
