..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
