So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Randomize
